A Word about Friends  

Yesterday, my first day back in Costa Rica, was a touching and joyful reminder of what friends mean in the course of our lives. 

First, there were the emails I received from friends who were compelled to respond to my “morning musings” blog. Some were in fun, reminding me of the benefic qualities humor can have in relationships. I have always believed that humor is the Vaseline of social intercourse and that to laugh is to love. How one can get through this life without humor is a mystery that defies solution from where I stand.

Some replies were in such sincere earnest that they brought tears to my eyes, reminding me that there is a unique bond between true friends who may not have had much contact of late, but share such a deep and abiding closeness that time and distance are powerless to create a feeling of separateness. 

Some of those friends wrote that my thoughts of yesterday morning actually gave them pause…a reason to reflect and even served as a trigger to ponder and re-evaluate their own responses to certain situations and life experiences. 

I suppose this, more than anything, caught me by surprise. Clearly, that response was completely unanticipated and was a totally unintended consequence of my musings. But, it reinforced my recognition that friends can and do have both accidental as well as purposeful effects on one another. 

Friends share their feelings and talk with each other about their wants, needs, hopes and fears. They laugh together and sometimes cry together. Such sharing has the effect of  helping to create balance and structure in life. The giving and receiving of feedback provides guideposts and direction which keep us on the right track as we move along life’s journey. It is this interdependence that is the thread from which strong friendships are woven.

Last night I was invited by a small group of friends to join them for dinner at a little beach front restaurant in Playa Hermosa. Nearly a year had gone by since we had last seen each other. But when we met, it was as though not a single day had passed since our last visit. We picked up right where we left off in the Spring of 2012 and the ease of conversing, relating and sharing underscored the notion that real friendships endure the voids and chasms of physical separation.

Tonight, at the airport in Liberia, I will collect my friends who are arriving from Bozeman, MT. It is their stunningly beautiful residence that I have been enjoying since my arrival here.  That I have been given the keys to their kingdom to use as though it were my own is the literal expression of “mi casa es su casa”. I will be moving to my own abode in a couple of days once my tenants have vacated. But in the meantime we will live like a family, because that is what we are.

True friends like these, and those to whom I’ve previously alluded, are the cornerstone in the building of life. It is the construction of such relationships that pave the road for the walk we all have to take.  May all those who read this walk in peace! Namaste!

 As this is my first stay in Costa Rica since I lost my wife to cancer last year, it admittedly feels strange to be here alone in a place we spent so much time living life to its fullest.  Although I feel that I’ve reached that stage of grieving where I can now dwell on the good times we enjoyed for so long instead of the anger and pain of loosing her, it is the kind of monumental loss that leaves a permanent scar on one’s psyche. The task of processing all that was and coming to grips with the present reality is a long and arduous journey. Some of my thoughts about that journey are reflected in the following passage on this, my first morning back, in the other place we called home.

A Morning Meditation in Costa Rica 

Sitting here on this vast flagstone pool deck in Playas del Coco overlooking the Pacific Ocean, the solitude punctuated by the chirps, whistles, songs and squawks of exotic, colorful birds, my thoughts glance off the shimmering surface of the infinity edge pool and come to rest somewhere out there at the end of the ocean.

Some 1,500 feet below, Coco Bay lies, quietly dotted with the white specks of sleeping boats tethered to moorings which maintain order. Mountains, rugged and brown from the effects of the dry season, rise from the beach as a reminder that in spite of this peacefulness, it is a harsh world in which there are an infinite variety of challenges great and small we all must endure from time to time.

Among those obstacles, the loss of what or who we value is one inescapable injustice each of us must face at one time or another. It may be the loss of a job, a loved one, a friend, one’s own good health, or simply the depression that springs from the loss of one’s faith in the basic goodness of fellow human beings.

Whatever the source of the grief that follows loss, the challenge is the same. Although it is helpful and normally required, the love and support of those around you is only part of the equation in navigating the waters of personal turmoil.  For ultimately, the key for unlocking the solution for recovery from significant loss lies somewhere deep inside of you.  Finding that key requires looking for it.

Discovery of the answer demands introspection, review, self analysis, and forgiveness. There is no acceptance of the status quo unless the anger, guilt, regret and blame are released.  Letting go of the past and focusing on the “now” means in-sourcing.  It means drawing on your strengths and assuming responsibility for your future. It is choosing to take charge of your life and the direction it takes. It is steering the boat instead of letting it drift aimlessly. It is deciding that finding that new job, that new relationship, that happiness, or whatever it is you have lost is your responsibility and that it is up to you and you alone to create the outcome that you desire.

If, this morning, I sound like I’ve been vaccinated by some self-help guru then so be it. The irony is that I’ve always avoided such books, yet here I am spewing forth what are probably similar preachings. However, what inspired these musings was a Delta airlines commercial they played on the plane yesterday. I’d seen it on TV before, but for some reason, it stuck with me more this time than ever before.

It was a commercial which exploited the various usage of the word “UP” because as the commercial says “Delta is in the business of “UP”.  One of the many examples of the uses of this key word was “when we fall down, we get UP”. And, I thought, you know what?  They are exactly right. And that’s the thought that was still with me when I woke UP this morning.

So there you have it. I hope this little essay doesn’t make my best friend back in Venice throw UP.  I can hear him now saying “Jimmy you are completely full of shit!”

He may be right, but I think I am UP for his challenge. :)