As this is my first stay in Costa Rica since I lost my wife to cancer last year, it admittedly feels strange to be here alone in a place we spent so much time living life to its fullest.  Although I feel that I’ve reached that stage of grieving where I can now dwell on the good times we enjoyed for so long instead of the anger and pain of loosing her, it is the kind of monumental loss that leaves a permanent scar on one’s psyche. The task of processing all that was and coming to grips with the present reality is a long and arduous journey. Some of my thoughts about that journey are reflected in the following passage on this, my first morning back, in the other place we called home.

A Morning Meditation in Costa Rica 

Sitting here on this vast flagstone pool deck in Playas del Coco overlooking the Pacific Ocean, the solitude punctuated by the chirps, whistles, songs and squawks of exotic, colorful birds, my thoughts glance off the shimmering surface of the infinity edge pool and come to rest somewhere out there at the end of the ocean.

Some 1,500 feet below, Coco Bay lies, quietly dotted with the white specks of sleeping boats tethered to moorings which maintain order. Mountains, rugged and brown from the effects of the dry season, rise from the beach as a reminder that in spite of this peacefulness, it is a harsh world in which there are an infinite variety of challenges great and small we all must endure from time to time.

Among those obstacles, the loss of what or who we value is one inescapable injustice each of us must face at one time or another. It may be the loss of a job, a loved one, a friend, one’s own good health, or simply the depression that springs from the loss of one’s faith in the basic goodness of fellow human beings.

Whatever the source of the grief that follows loss, the challenge is the same. Although it is helpful and normally required, the love and support of those around you is only part of the equation in navigating the waters of personal turmoil.  For ultimately, the key for unlocking the solution for recovery from significant loss lies somewhere deep inside of you.  Finding that key requires looking for it.

Discovery of the answer demands introspection, review, self analysis, and forgiveness. There is no acceptance of the status quo unless the anger, guilt, regret and blame are released.  Letting go of the past and focusing on the “now” means in-sourcing.  It means drawing on your strengths and assuming responsibility for your future. It is choosing to take charge of your life and the direction it takes. It is steering the boat instead of letting it drift aimlessly. It is deciding that finding that new job, that new relationship, that happiness, or whatever it is you have lost is your responsibility and that it is up to you and you alone to create the outcome that you desire.

If, this morning, I sound like I’ve been vaccinated by some self-help guru then so be it. The irony is that I’ve always avoided such books, yet here I am spewing forth what are probably similar preachings. However, what inspired these musings was a Delta airlines commercial they played on the plane yesterday. I’d seen it on TV before, but for some reason, it stuck with me more this time than ever before.

It was a commercial which exploited the various usage of the word “UP” because as the commercial says “Delta is in the business of “UP”.  One of the many examples of the uses of this key word was “when we fall down, we get UP”. And, I thought, you know what?  They are exactly right. And that’s the thought that was still with me when I woke UP this morning.

So there you have it. I hope this little essay doesn’t make my best friend back in Venice throw UP.  I can hear him now saying “Jimmy you are completely full of shit!”

He may be right, but I think I am UP for his challenge. :)